Permanence of Marriage – 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

Good morning church! Hope you’re well this morning. We’ve missed being with you over the last couple of weeks as we recovered from a viral infection. While we were recovering at home, we were so encouraged and blessed by your concern and prayers – and we’re excited to be back with all of you this week!

It’s Father’s Day as well – so Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers and father figures at the Gathering. We acknowledge God’s calling over your lives to lead and shape your family in the ways of the Lord.  

As we turn to God’s Word this morning, I’m sure most of us are aware that we’re going through a series titled The Church : God’s Dwelling Place from 1st Corinthians. And the recurring theme that we’ve been hearing week after week is this – that God’s chosen dwelling place or His chosen residence is not a building (not in a cathedral or a temple) but in His People – His redeemed people in Christ.

Think with me on how apt this theme was for the church in Corinth which was still coming to terms with the fact that they were called to live a radically different lifestyle from the culture around them. The worldly culture around them was having a greater say on their lifestyle than what Scripture was calling them to.  

That’s why we saw issues of infighting in the church, sexual immorality in the church & even confusion on how they approached marriage and singleness. So Paul wrote this letter to address all these issues from a Gospel perspective.

And these issues aren’t unique to the Corinthian church, these are very relevant for the Gathering as well which is located in a cosmopolitan city like Mumbai. The sub-culture of the city & also what we consume on social media sometimes has a greater say on our lifestyle than what Scripture says.

So it’s apt for us and that’s why I’d urge us all to approach each and every passage with open minds and open hearts, so that we can allow the truth of God’s Word to teach us how to live a radically different life from the culture around us. But before we begin I’d love to pray for us.

(Pray)

Some years back I attended a marriage seminar where it started off well with worship songs and then it proceeded to the main session.

The speaker, probably to lighten the mood, decided to let out a bunch of marriage jokes. As I listened to the jokes, I realized that most of these jokes were always from the husband’s perspective due to which the husbands laughed the hardest on every joke.

But on a deeper level, I wondered if at some level the couples (mostly believers) shared a similar low view of marriage. Maybe the culture around them influenced their perspective or maybe their own personal experiences seeing the brokenness in their parent’s marriage or their own marriage colored their perspective and that’s why today’s topic on permanence of marriage needs to be handled biblically and sensitively.

The reason the sermon is titled as permanence of marriage instead of divorce is because the overall theme of the passage seems to be discouraging divorce rather than advocating it.     

And this passage gives us 3 ways in which we pursue Permanence in Marriage:

1.We pursue permanence in marriage through reconciliation (v10-11)

10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

In verses 10, Paul specifically instructs married couples in the Corinthian church and makes it abundantly clear that it’s a direct command from the Lord Jesus.

What’s the command? That wives should not separate or divorce their husbands and likewise husbands shouldn’t divorce their wives. And if for some reason divorce is inevitable, then they need to remain unmarried or try to reconcile and get back together. It’s clear that God’s intention for married couples is that they stick it out together.

And this instruction might sound strange or too old fashioned to our modern ears where people sign prenuptial agreements planning the possibility of a divorce even before they get married.

And yet when we see a passage like this, it seems like the opposite where divorce isn’t an option. Divorce is out of scope. Divorce is off the table. The married couple mutually agree to stick it out together no matter what.   

And why is that the case? Why is God being so restrictive? Does God want me to be unhappy for the rest of my life? And when we ask these questions, the assumption is that marriage is about us and our happiness. That’s where we get it wrong. Our baseline itself is wrong.

Marriage isn’t about us or our happiness. Marriage is about God and His glorious purposes. So let’s first define what marriage is and then we will be able to understand why divorce is a big deal for God. Turn with me to Ephesians 5:22-32:

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

We can see here that God’s glorious purpose in marriage is to tell a story – His Gospel story to you, your spouse and the people around you. Our earthly marriages in some way are supposed to picture the loving, self-sacrificial and committed relationship that Jesus Christ shares with His bride which is the church.

So that’s the baseline. Marriage is not primarily about romantic love or companionship or compatibility or social obligation. As imperfect as we are and our marriages are, we get to learn and proclaim something about Jesus’ love, Jesus’ self-sacrifice and commitment for His bride through our marriage. Isn’t that amazing?

Which is the reason why believers in Christ should only marry believers because only those who have tasted and seen Jesus’ love for them would be able to display that to each other and the people around them.

And if marriage is all about that, then what is divorce? It’s a breaking up and a distortion of this purpose. Despite all our multiple failures and weaknesses, does Jesus divorce us? Does Jesus desert us? Does Jesus walk away from us?

No, and that’s why divorce is heartbreaking because it involves emotional pain and sorrow for the couple and the children but also because proclaiming something totally different about Jesus’ marriage with His church. It’s giving out distorted picture which is why when Jesus was asked if it’s okay for a person to divorce his spouse, this is how he responds in Matt 19:5-6

 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Jesus harkens back to the creation story to reveal God’s heart and intention for marriage. God’s heart and intention is for married couples to stick it out together because they are telling a story – His Gospel story through their marriage. And we’re called to stick together despite all the issues and ups and downs of marriage.

And I know it can be a hard thing for some of us to digest because most of us would probably agree with the idea of not divorcing for trivial reasons but what if a wife is being physically abused by her husband, does it mean that she continues to remain in that marriage though it risks her physical safety?

These are some really hard questions I know. And there are some real, serious situations where couples will need to be separated for a time, while at the same time getting your church involved, your own families involved and sometimes even the local authorities involved to help you navigate through this and possibly work toward reconciliation in the long run.

Our marriages are supposed to proclaim the Gospel story which is why we pursue permanence in marriage through reconciliation, but not just that

2.We pursue permanence in marriage through promise keeping (v12-13)

12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

It’s very important to understand the context of these verses to interpret this correctly. The Corinthian church was birthed in the midst of a pagan, immoral culture. And so there were church members who got married while they were unbelievers, and then later heard the Gospel and became believers.

However, their spouses still didn’t come to faith and so the believing spouses were probably wondering if their marriages were still valid. They were wondering and maybe contemplating if they had to divorce their unbelieving spouses and Paul makes it crystal clear that their marriage still is valid and has a standing in God’s eyes.

What Paul is telling them is that if the unbelieving spouse agrees to continue in marriage despite being aware of the spouse’s newfound faith, then the believing spouse shouldn’t divorce but continue to maintain the promises in marriage. Their covenant promises aren’t thrown out of the window. God is still expecting them to be faithful in their marriage.

And Paul is not airing his own opinion on this – though the start of v12 seems like that. All that Paul is saying is that this isn’t a direct quotation from the Lord Jesus like v10, however all of Scripture is God breathed and profitable for teaching, rebuke, correction and training in righteousness (2 Tim 3:16) – hence even this instruction which is in this passage is no less inspired by God. This is indeed God’s Word.

And I think passages like this should encourage us to know that if we’re in a similar place where we’re the only believers in our marriage or family, God is still expecting us to keep our covenant promises with our spouse. God’s not overlooking or ignoring our marriage.

The way we love, serve and honor our unbelieving spouse is precious and honorable in God’s eyes. God is glorified in the way in which we pursue

promise keeping in marriage. We are still called to proclaim the Gospel story in the way in which we approach our marriage.

But not only do we pursue permanence in marriage through reconciliation and promise keeping, we also

3.We pursue permanence in marriage through stewardship (v14-16)

14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

I’m sure this is confusing because it almost seems like Paul is trying to promote missionary dating or missionary marriage where the thought is “let me marry this person who is an unbeliever and I’ll convert them”. First of all it’s assuming that we have the ability to convert someone, we can’t. It’s ultimately a God thing.

Secondly let’s quickly look at the end of the chapter in 1 Cor 7:39 where Paul gives these instructions:

39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Paul is permitting remarriage after the spouse has passed away but with a clear criteria as to who needs to be considered for marriage – “only in the Lord”. And if that’s the case, how can that not be the prerequisite for first time marriage believer couples as well?

It’s impossible for Paul to say that “It doesn’t matter who you marry the first time. Only when you remarry, then you need to ensure he / she is a believer”. That simply doesn’t make sense.

So it’s not referring to missionary dating or marriage. Again, context is important here – it’s referring to the situation of people who were unbelievers when they got married and then later on believed but their spouses hadn’t yet come to faith – the passage is not advocating missionary dating or marriage.

So then what does making the unbelieving husband holy or making the unbelieving wife holy mean in v14? It means that God has a special purpose for you in your marriage. It means that God has a purpose to proclaim the Gospel story to your spouse and your children.

God has still called you to tell your spouse something about Jesus’ love, self-sacrifice and commitment through the way in which you speak and live out the Gospel through your life.

I hope it can encourage some of us here today because being the only believers at home, experiencing the friction with a spouse who doesn’t see eye to eye with our faith can be draining and difficult but to know that God still has a purpose for us in the way we steward the Gospel in our marriages and families is encouraging I’m sure.

V16 in fact puts it in this way “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” Not that we can be our spouse’s Savior. We can’t replace or substitute Christ but what we can do is be a faithful steward of the Gospel in our homes and constantly bring them before God’s throne of grace asking God to save them. And in doing so, we become tools in God’s hand in our own homes and it’s precious in God’s sight.

Application:

• For those who are married right now or looking to get married – embrace this glorious purpose of marriage. If you’ve been approaching a different purpose, then today’s the time to repent from that and receive this biblical glorious purpose
• For those who have gone through the experience of divorce – God is able to redeem that. The intention of this passage wasn’t to rub guilt or condemn you but to draw you to repentance (as divorce is a distortion of God’s design) and call you to remain faithful in whichever stage you are in right now.