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Good evening everyone! Hope everyone’s settling in well at the resort. We really want this weekend to be restful and life giving to you. We intend for everyone to experience physical, mental and spiritual rest along with the community.

As most of you might be aware – we do have a theme for the retreat this year and it’s called iCrave. It’s a catchy way of leading us into a conversation on the cravings, longings and desires of our hearts.

This theme is inspired from this verse from 1 Pet 2:2:

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation,

I remember reading this verse when Hannah was just born, and it spoke to me in such a fresh way. Until her birth, I didn’t realize the extent of the hunger cravings that newborns had. I was surprised by the frequency and the intensity by which my newborn was feeding on milk. Let me tell you – handling a hungry newborn baby is not an easy task.

But would you say that craving to be fed is a bad thing for babies? No, it’s a good thing so that they could be fed and satisfied. So the craving in itself isn’t a bad thing, the question is how is the craving being satisfied? Is the craving being satisfied with milk or something else which is unhealthy?

Similarly when it comes to our hearts, what are we satisfying our cravings with? Is it with the “pure spiritual milk” which is God’s Word or is it by worldly knowledge or life experiences or feelings? And what we want to do through the entire retreat is anchor our conversations around God’s Word – and the reason we’re doing that is to feed our cravings with what is healthy – what will truly satisfy and not leave us empty and dry.

And even as we’re talking through this, we want to be genuine and honest ourselves. We’re not talking here as experts. Like all of you, we are students and need help from God to enable us to feed our cravings with what is healthy and pure and good.

So we will kick off our sessions with the topic iCrave love. And our bible passage will be from 1 John 4:16-21

16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot[a] love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Have you ever wondered why romance as a genre never gets old? Be it movies or TV shows or books – romance as a genre never goes out of fashion. Why is that the case? And it’s not just popular among the singles, it’s true among the married as well? Some might say it’s because it’s relatable entertainment, but could it be coming from a deeper heart craving to be fully known and also fully loved? There’s this innate desire and longing in all of us to be fully known and also fully loved by someone.

And if we are not searching for it in movies, we’re looking for someone to love us that way (fully know us and love us) – maybe we’re looking for it in our spouse, maybe we’re looking for it in our partner or someone who would marry us, maybe we’re looking for it in our children or maybe we’re looking for it from our parents. Someone who can fully know us and fully love us.

The unfortunate part is that there is no one on the face of the earth who is able to carry that burden of expectation.There’s no one who can perfectly love us that way. Because this requires a perfect, a complete, a relentless love which none of us sadly have the inbuilt capacity to offer.

Which is why today’s passage is so apt because it was written to a people who were unsettled in their faith. And this passage was written to remind of the rock solid assurance they can find in God’s love.

What is this kind of love which completes us and assures us?

1. Unconditional love (v16)

16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

As we read this verse, the immediate question which comes to our minds is “what is the love that God has for us?” Unconditional, yes but what does unconditional love actually mean? What does it look like?

Apostle John who wrote this letter helps us define that a few verses earlier in verses 9 and 10.

[9] In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. [10] In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
There seems to be at least 3 things we can understand about unconditional love.

Sacrificial (v9)

[9] In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.

It’s a love which involved great sacrifice. He didn’t just send something or someone who didn’t matter much to Him. He didn’t send a proxy or his secretary into the world. He sent his “only” Son into the world to give us life.

Think about how big a deal that is. What was most dear and precious to God the Father was His own Son – the apple of His eye, His favored and loved Son in whom He was fully pleased. And that was the One whom He chose to send into the world.

As parents we would think twice before sending our children in an area which is risky, and here God sent His Son into the world not only knowing the full risk but also knowing what would eventually happen to Him. That was major sacrifice.

Not transactional

[10] In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us

God didn’t wait for us to love Him first – as a precondition to loving us back. It wasn’t a love that was dependent on how we loved God. It wasn’t transactional. It wasn’t “matlabi” love which says I will love you only as long as you treat me and love me as I expect you to.

No, it’s a love where God took the initiative to love us way before we even realized it.

Costly

V10….and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

What does propitiation mean? It’s basically a big word that tells us that a sacrifice had to be made to quench / satisfy the holy anger of God and turn His anger into favor toward us.

Because God is Holy and Just, He can’t simply overlook sin and say “chalta hai”. The Bible refers to God as “a consuming fire”. Imagine a piece of paper or wood that falls into a blazing furnace, it gets burnt up within seconds. And now imagine people like us who are sinful coming into contact with God, we will be burnt up. We can’t survive. We will be destroyed.

The beauty of the Gospel is that not only did God send His Son sacrificially without any transaction or condition, but that He offered His Son to be burnt up instead of us. And it wasn’t a lack of love for His Son. It was His Son Jesus after all – His most precious one. He did that because He knew that was the Only way to satisfy His Holy anger over our sin and be able to show favor instead of anger toward us. It came at the highest cost to save us. The treasure of heaven was emptied and spent so that you and I could be saved. It didn’t come cheap.

That’s the unconditional love of God. But not only that, it is also a

2. Secure love (v17-18)

17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
These verses are basically saying that through the love God showed us in Jesus, He has removed every single reason for us to approach Him with guilty fear.

In fact verse 18 says that God’s love and guilty fear do not go hand in hand. And the argument is this – guilty fear is ultimately a fear of punishment. It’s a fear of facing the punishment that we rightly deserve.

But because of the unconditional love of God – sacrificial, non-transactional and costly love of God in Jesus, as people who have trusted in that love, we don’t need to fear punishment because Jesus already bore that punishment for us.

And because Jesus already bore that punishment for us, God looks on us with great favor and love and because He does that we don’t have to ever fear approaching God.

There is immense security and safety that we experience because of God’s love. Now does that mean that God is pleased with us when we sin? No, off course it displeases Him. But here’s the thing, it doesn’t make us feel insecure about how God’s going to respond to us. Because of God’s unconditional love in Jesus, we can still experience security and that security actually drives us to repentance. True security and safety actually helps us repent.

I’ve always been encouraged by Angie’s relationship with my mom in law. She would often tell me that growing up, she couldn’t keep a secret from her mom because of the security and safety they enjoyed in their relationship. She knew she couldn’t break the immense trust that her mom had on her. And even in days when she would mess up, knowing that her mom loves her, is for her, knowing that their relationship is safe and secure, would help her to go and confess that to her mom.

Similarly in much more greater ways, the secure love of God not just removes fear but enables us to repent and come to him.
But not only is this an unconditional and a secure love, it is also a

3. Transforming love (v19-21)

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot[a] love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

It’s a love that transforms us – it changes the way we love God and love each other. V19 starts by telling us that “we love because he first loved us”.

When we realize that God shows His unconditional and secure love in spite of knowing everything about us, that does something to us. It changes our hearts to respond to him in love.

Although we don’t have the inbuilt capacity to love God, God’s unconditional and secure love enables us to love him in trust, joy and obedience.

I mean how else can we respond to someone who has been so loving to us? And that’s why week after week during our Sunday Gatherings, GCs and DNA groups we aren’t demanding and questioning people on why they aren’t loving God as they should. “Why are you not obeying God, why are you not living a life as you should, why are you not trusting Him”…that’s not what we spend most of our time on. We know that the only way to make us love God is by reminding each other of the love that God has for us in Jesus.

In the same way, V20 and 21 says this – if you’ve understood and experienced God’s unconditional and secure love, then that should enable you to love those around you in the same way – without conditions and without insecurity. And a lack of love with each other, reveals a forgetfulness of what God has done for us.

When me and Angie analyze almost all of our arguments and fights that we’ve had, we’ve come to this conclusion that the root was demanding and expecting love from each other that only God can provide. And so through hard lessons in our marriage, God has taught us how important it is to daily remember and receive His love for us in Jesus. The moment we forget that, we’re going to be left with just laying down conditions on each other, and also creating an insecure relationship that is constantly filled with fear. Fear of messing up and the consequences for messing up.

And that’s why this love is a transforming love. It changes you, changes the way you love God and also the way you will love the people in your life.

What are looking toward for love? What or who are you looking to fully love you and fully know you? Here’s the thing – your spouse will fail you. Your partner with whom you’re hoping to get married will fail you. Your children will fail you. Your parents will fail you. Except for God’s love – that will never fail you because it’s an Unconditional love, it’s a Secure Love and it’s a Transforming Love.

This topic on ‘iCrave Validation‘ is part of our 2024 Retreat theme ‘iCrave’. The passage we are referring to is Galatians 1:10.

Let me start by defining what ‘Validation’ means, so you can have a better understanding of the discussion.

The validation we are referring to is the inherent desire to be acknowledged and accepted by others. It involves having our emotions, perspectives, beliefs, etc., recognized. It is about having someone who will listen to us, understand us, and treat us well.

As growing up we all are either under-validated or we are over-validated.

Under Validation

Being “under-validated” means not receiving enough acknowledgment, acceptance, or recognition from others. It refers to a lack of validation of one’s emotions, perspectives, beliefs, and experiences. This can lead to feelings of being unheard, misunderstood, or unappreciated.

Over Validation

On the other hand, being “over-validated” means receiving excessive acknowledgment, acceptance, or recognition from others. It refers to a situation where one’s emotions, perspectives, beliefs, and experiences are constantly validated, often to an extreme degree. While validation is important, over-validation can have its own set of challenges.

Then there are different types of validation as follows

1. Physical Appearance Validation

Physical appearance validation refers to the validation and recognition of one’s physical appearance by others. It involves receiving positive feedback, compliments, and acceptance regarding one’s physical attributes, such as beauty, attractiveness, or style.

2. Emotion Validation

Emotion validation refers to the recognition and acceptance of one’s emotions by others. It involves having our feelings acknowledged, understood, and respected. When we experience emotional validation, we feel heard and validated in our emotional experiences.

3. Social Validation

Social validation refers to the recognition and acceptance of one’s social identity and behavior by others. It involves seeking approval, acceptance, and validation from social groups or communities. Social validation is closely tied to the desire for belonging and acceptance within a particular social context.

4. Performance / Achievement Validation

Performance/achievement validation refers to the recognition and acknowledgment of one’s accomplishments, skills, or abilities by others. It involves receiving validation and appreciation for the effort, talent, and achievements in various areas of life, such as work, academics, sports, or hobbies.

As we grow older we all somehow develop a coping mechanism to deal with issues related to validation as follows.

1. Seeking Constant Reassurance: Relying heavily on others for constant reassurance and approval. This can lead to a cycle of dependency and a diminished sense of self-efficacy.
2. People-Pleasing Behaviors: Constantly trying to please others at the expense of one’s own needs, leading to burnout, resentment, and loss of personal identity.
3. Social Withdrawal: In response to under-validation, some individuals may withdraw socially, avoiding interactions due to fear of rejection or feeling unworthy.
4. Substance Abuse: Using alcohol, drugs, or other substances as a means to cope with feelings of inadequacy or to enhance feelings of validation.
5. Overcompensation: Engaging in boastful or exaggerated behaviors to gain attention or validation, often seen in cases of over-validation.
6. Perfectionism: Striving for perfection in an attempt to avoid criticism and gain approval, often leading to anxiety and a fear of failure.
7. Aggression or Hostility: Some people might respond with anger, aggression, or hostility when they feel undervalued or overly criticized.
8. Dependence on Social Media: Excessively using social media for validation, such as obsessing over likes, comments, or followers, can lead to decreased self-esteem and increased feelings of loneliness and anxiety.
9. Self-Sabotage: Engaging in behaviors that undermine personal success or relationships, often due to a belief that one does not deserve success or happiness.
10. Negative Self-Talk: Indulging in critical, negative self-talk that reinforces feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.
11. Eating Disorders: In some cases, issues with validation can contribute to the development of eating disorders, as individuals may seek to control their appearance to gain approval.
12. Impulsive Behaviors: Engaging in risky or impulsive behaviors to feel validated or to cope with feelings of low self-worth.

We must remember that coping mechanisms that are not based on the truth of God’s word, but instead rely on human efforts, will always fail us.

In Galatians 1:10, Paul is defending the truth – the Gospel truth. It is a narrative that has the power to completely free us from the validation syndrome.

And in this verse, he is also expressing that the truth does not require validation from anyone. As a servant of the Lord, he feels a responsibility to safeguard the truth at any cost.

Earlier in the chapter, he expresses astonishment that the church was turning away from the true gospel to another gospel. He has already mentioned to them that the gospel he preached was not a man-made idea, but received through revelation from Jesus Christ, the son of God.

The gospel truth he was defending can be explained in the following five chapters.

Creation

In the Bible, the creation story is described in the book of Genesis. According to Genesis 1, God created the heavens and the earth in six days. Here is a summary of the creation account:

1. Day 1: God created light and separated it from the darkness. He called the light “day” and the darkness “night.”
2. Day 2: God created the sky by separating the waters below from the waters above.
3. Day 3: God gathered the waters below to form seas, and dry land appeared. He created vegetation, including plants, trees, and fruits.
4. Day 4: God created the sun, moon, and stars to govern the day and night and to mark seasons, days, and years.
5. Day 5: God filled the seas with living creatures and birds to fill the sky.
6. Day 6: God created land animals, including livestock, wild animals, and creatures that crawl on the ground.

Finally, God created human beings in His own image, both male and female, and gave them dominion over the earth.

On the seventh day, God rested, setting it apart as a day of rest and blessing. This is known as the Sabbath.

The creation story highlights God’s power and wisdom in bringing forth the entire universe and all living creatures. It serves as the foundation for understanding God’s role as the creator and sustainer of all things.

Fall

The Fall refers to the event described in the book of Genesis where Adam and Eve, the first human beings, disobeyed God’s commandment and ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This act of disobedience led to the introduction of sin and its consequences into the world.

As a result of the Fall, Adam and Eve experienced a separation from God and faced various consequences. They were expelled from the garden of Eden, their perfect and harmonious relationship with God was broken, and they were subjected to suffering, toil, and physical death. The Fall also impacted the entire human race, as all humans inherited a sinful nature and became prone to sin and its effects.

The Fall represents the brokenness and fallen state of humanity, as well as the need for redemption and reconciliation with God.

Redemption

Redemption, refers to the act of being saved or delivered from sin and its consequences through the sacrifice and atonement of Jesus Christ. It is the process by which individuals are reconciled with God and granted eternal life.

This sin separates them from God and brings about spiritual death. However, God, out of His love and mercy, provided a way for humanity to be redeemed and restored to a right relationship with Him.

Through His incarnation, life, death, and resurrection, Jesus Christ became the perfect sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins. He willingly took upon Himself the punishment that humanity deserved, paying the price for sin on the cross. His death and resurrection opened the way for salvation and eternal life.

To receive redemption, individuals are called to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. This involves acknowledging one’s sinfulness, turning away from a life of sin, and placing trust in Jesus as the Savior and Lord. Through this personal relationship with Christ, believers are forgiven of their sins, cleansed, and declared righteous before God.

Renewal

Renewal refers to the process of being made new or transformed spiritually. It involves a restoration of one’s relationship with God and a renewal of the mind and heart. Renewal is considered a work of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer.

Renewal begins with the acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, believers are empowered to live a new life characterized by obedience to God’s commands and conformity to the image of Christ.

The process of renewal involves ongoing growth and transformation in various aspects of life, such as thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, and relationships. It is a continuous journey of spiritual growth and maturity, guided by the Holy Spirit and the study of God’s Word.

Sanctification is closely related to renewal but has a more specific focus. It refers to the process of being set apart or made holy for God’s purposes. Sanctification involves being conformed to the likeness of Christ and living a life that is pleasing to God.

Sanctification is not a one-time event but a lifelong process. It involves surrendering to God’s will and allowing the Holy Spirit to work in and through one’s life. Through sanctification, believers are empowered to live a life that reflects the character and values of God.

Restoration

Restoration/Glorification is the final stage of the believer’s journey of redemption and renewal. It is the ultimate restoration that takes place when believers are resurrected and transformed into their glorified bodies, fully conformed to the likeness of Christ.

In the context of glorification, restoration refers to the complete and perfect renewal of all aspects of the believer’s being. This includes the restoration of the physical body, which will be transformed to be imperishable, immortal, and free from any weakness, disease, or decay.

Furthermore, restoration in glorification involves the complete eradication of sin and the restoration of perfect fellowship with God. Believers will be freed from the presence and power of sin, and they will experience a deep and eternal communion with God, enjoying His presence in all His glory.

The restoration in glorification also extends to the entire creation. Just as believers will be transformed, the entire creation will be renewed and restored to its original state of perfection. The effects of sin and the curse will be completely undone, and God’s creation will flourish in its intended harmony and beauty.

In light of this gospel truth, let’s see how it helps us deal with our various types of validation-related issues.

Physical Appearance Validation

In Genesis 1:26-27, it is stated that God created human beings in His own image, both male and female. This means that every individual, regardless of their physical appearance, possesses inherent dignity, worth, and value.

Understanding that we are created in the image of God reminds us that our true worth and identity are not determined by our physical appearance. It shifts our focus from external beauty to the beauty that comes from within, such as our character, values, and actions. It teaches us to value ourselves and others based on qualities that go beyond mere physical attributes.

Furthermore, recognizing that God created the diversity of physical appearances reflects His creativity and intentionality. Each person’s unique physical features are a reflection of God’s design and should be celebrated rather than judged or compared. Embracing this truth helps us appreciate the beauty of diversity and promotes a more inclusive and accepting attitude towards ourselves and others.

By anchoring our understanding of beauty and worth in the truth of God’s creation, we can find freedom from the need for constant physical appearance validation. We can develop a healthier perspective on our bodies and focus on cultivating inner qualities, such as kindness, compassion, and character, that truly define who we are.

Emotional Validation

In the redemptive story of God, we see a profound demonstration of His deep understanding and empathy towards humanity. Despite fully knowing who we are, our feelings, emotions, and challenges, God willingly offers help and salvation through His Son, Jesus Christ.

We experienced the consequences of sin, including feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, and the need for validation from others.

But God, in His infinite love and mercy, did not leave us in that broken state. He sent Jesus Christ, His Son, to reconcile us to Himself and provide a solution to our deepest needs, including the need for emotional validation.

Jesus, being fully God and fully human, understands the extent of our feelings, emotions, and challenges. He experienced the full range of human emotions during His time on earth, including joy, sorrow, anger, and compassion. He faced rejection, betrayal, and the weight of the world’s brokenness.

Through His life, death, and resurrection, Jesus offers us hope and healing. He invites us to bring our emotions, struggles, and need for validation to Him. In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Jesus offers us a different kind of validation, one that is rooted in His unconditional love and understanding. He assures us that we are deeply known and accepted by Him. In Him, we find solace, comfort, and true validation for our emotions and struggles.

Relying on Jesus for emotional validation frees us from the endless pursuit of validation from others. It allows us to find our worth and identity in Him, rather than in the opinions or acceptance of people. We can rest in the assurance that God’s love and acceptance of us are unwavering and unconditional.

As we embrace the redemptive story of God, we can find healing and freedom from the need for emotional validation from people. We can cultivate a deep and intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father, who understands us completely and offers us the comfort, validation, and help we need.

Social Validation

In the light of God’s redemption and renewal, we find great comfort and assurance in the fact that He has accepted us as His sons and daughters and has included us into His family. Through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we have been reconciled with God and have become part of His kingdom.

This truth has profound implications for how we deal with the issues we face from social validation. When we understand that our worth and identity are rooted in our relationship with God, we no longer need to seek validation from others to find a sense of belonging and acceptance.

As members of God’s family, we are deeply loved, valued, and accepted by Him. He sees us as His precious children, and His approval of us is not based on our performance or what others think of us. Therefore, we can find security, significance, and identity in our relationship with Him.

God’s acceptance and love for us are unconditional and unwavering. We don’t have to constantly prove ourselves or seek validation from others to feel worthy or valued. We can find our ultimate validation in the unchanging love and acceptance of our Heavenly Father.

Moreover, being part of God’s family means that we are connected to a community of believers who share the same redemption and renewal in Christ. This community provides a supportive and loving environment where we can find encouragement, acceptance, and validation from fellow believers.

In this community, we can experience genuine relationships that are not based on superficial standards or worldly measures of validation. We can find acceptance and belonging based on our shared faith and the love of Christ that binds us together.

When we recognize our identity as sons and daughters of God, we can approach social validation from a place of confidence and security. We no longer need to seek approval or acceptance from others to validate our worth. Instead, we can focus on living out our true identity as children of God and extending His love and acceptance to others.

This understanding also frees us from the negative effects of social validation. We are no longer controlled by the opinions or judgments of others. We can navigate social interactions with grace and humility, knowing that our worth is already secure in Christ.

Performance / Achievement Validation

Through Christ’s performance, specifically His death and resurrection, we have been made righteous before God. This righteousness is not something we earned or achieved on our own, but it is a gift that comes through faith in Jesus.

In the gospel, we learn that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). This includes our failures in meeting physical appearance standards or achieving certain goals. However, God, in His great love and mercy, sent Jesus to pay the price for our sins and to reconcile us to Himself.

When we place our faith in Jesus, His righteousness is imputed to us. This means that His perfect obedience and performance are credited to our account. We are seen as righteous in God’s eyes because of what Jesus has done for us.

Understanding this truth helps us deal with the issues we face due to physical and achievement-related validation. We no longer need to find our worth or validation in our physical appearance or accomplishments. Our value and acceptance come from our identity as children of God and the righteousness we have through faith in Christ.

Physical appearance validation becomes less significant because our true worth is not based on external beauty but on being made in the image of God and being loved by Him. We can accept and appreciate our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit, focusing on honoring God rather than meeting societal standards.

Similarly, achievement validation loses its grip on us because our righteousness is not based on our performance or accomplishments. We can pursue excellence and use our abilities to glorify God, but our identity and worth are not dependent on these achievements. We can find contentment and joy in knowing that we are already accepted and loved by God, regardless of our achievements or failures.

In Christ, we are free from the constant pressure to prove ourselves or seek validation from others. We can rest in the assurance that our worth and acceptance are secure in Him. This frees us to pursue a life of purpose, using our physical bodies and talents to serve God and others, without being enslaved by the need for validation.

As we embrace the truth of our righteousness in Christ, we can find freedom, peace, and confidence in who we are. We can live with a renewed perspective, focusing on the eternal rather than the temporary. Our value is rooted in God’s love and grace, and that is a validation that surpasses any physical appearance or achievement validation the world may offer.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the topic of ‘iCrave Validation’ explores the inherent desire for acknowledgment and acceptance from others. It delves into the different types of validation, such as physical appearance, emotion, social, and performance/achievement validation. Throughout the discussion, we have seen how these forms of validation can impact individuals and the coping mechanisms that can develop as a result.

However, it is important to remember that true validation cannot be found solely in the opinions or acceptance of others. The ultimate source of validation comes from our relationship with God and His unconditional love for us. Through the redemptive story of God, we find freedom from the need for constant validation and discover our true worth and identity in Him.

By understanding and embracing the truth of God’s love and acceptance, we can navigate the challenges related to validation with confidence and security. We can find solace in the fact that we are created in the image of God, find emotional validation in our relationship with Jesus, experience acceptance and belonging in the community of believers, and rest in the righteousness we have through faith in Christ.

As we journey through life, let us seek validation from the truth of God’s word and find our ultimate satisfaction in Him. May we extend His love and acceptance to others, creating an environment where individuals can find validation and affirmation based on their true worth and identity in Christ.

Good evening everyone. Over the last couple of days, we’ve been meditating on the theme iCrave referring to the cravings, longings and desires of our hearts. What we’ve understood so far is that these cravings and longings of our hearts are not bad in themselves. In fact that’s the way God made us. So then the real question is – is what are we feeding those cravings with – is it with the pure spiritual milk (Word of God) or is it with our feelings and life experiences?

In Session 3, we are looking to cover the topic: iCrave Justice.

The craving and longing for justice. Just to clarify, when we mean justice, we’re not talking about a general longing for justice in the world. We’re specifically referring to obtaining justice for the wrongs and offenses being done toward us. All of us have that innate sense of justice where we seek compensation or repayment for wrongs and offenses done toward us.

When an auto-driver tries to take advantage and overcharges us, we crave for justice. When our boss yells at us in front of our peers, we crave for justice. When a close family member speaks hurtful words to us, we crave for justice. When a friend betrays our trust, we crave for justice there as well.

Now just like the other cravings of our heart, this craving for justice is not a bad thing in itself. But the real question is how we are satisfying that craving. How are we feeding that craving – and today’s passage from Matt 18 tells us that we can either respond with forgiveness or unforgiveness.

And it’s so interesting that Jesus’ teaching on this topic is not like the wat a moral science lesson would approach this topic – where we are told “forgiveness is good, and unforgiveness is bad. Hence, be more forgiving”. In fact Jesus does this by showing a mirror to our own hearts revealing what the problem is before pointing us to the solution.

4 observations from this passage:

1. We overestimate our standard of forgiveness (v21-22)

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Let’s first try to understand where this question is coming from. Peter was a Jew and in Judaism, forgiving someone three times showed a generous spirit. So Peter probably thought that he was extra kind and generous by deciding to forgive seven times.

To his surprise, Jesus doesn’t appreciate him for this, but rather says seventy seven times. And by seventy seven, Jesus wasn’t just saying 77 times and that’s it, but rather using an expression to say that that there should be no cap or no upper limit to the number of times you should forgive someone.

I wonder if upon hearing that, Peter thought “No upper limit on forgiveness equals unlimited forgiveness. That simply doesn’t make any sense. I mean if this person has already offended me repeatedly, does he really deserve my forgiveness? I thought I was being more than gracious already, now my forgiveness period has expired. I’ve simply had enough”.

And that’s part of the problem. Because Peter was convinced that he was gracious, generous and forgiving, he assumed that he was in the best position to judge if a person deserved his forgiveness or not. He assumed he was the one who could set the limit on forgiveness. But in reality he wasn’t as forgiving as he thought, he was only overestimating his standard of forgiveness.

And instead of responding to Peter with a rebuke, Jesus responds to him with a parable (which is a short story to explain a deeper spiritual point) from V23.

So we not only overestimate our standard of forgiveness but we also

2. We underestimate the extent of our debt (v23-30)

23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.[g] 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.[h] 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant[i] fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii,[j] and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.

In the parable, there is a little bit of math involved, so please bear with me.

1 talent = salary for a laborer over 20 years
10000 talents = salary for a laborer over 200,000 years

In other words, this was a massive mountain size debt that this servant owed the king. It was an exorbitant amount which was impossible to repay. Even if this servant worked overtime and did many other small jobs for every single remaining day of his life, he wouldn’t still come anywhere close to repaying back the debt.

So the consequence was that this servant was to be sold with his wife and children and all that he had to repay the debt. You can imagine the kind of trouble that this servant found himself in. There was literally no escape for him from this point.

So the servant, knowing that he was in big trouble, fell on his knees and begged the king to be patient with him. That word “patience” translates as “long suffering” – he was begging the king to bear with him a little longer and he’ll pay back the entire amount.

V27 tells us that the king was moved with pity. He was moved with compassion looking at the state of the servant – He knew there was no way in the world he was going to repay back the debt, so in compassion he released him and forgave his entire debt.

And that’s where we get the word “forgiveness” from. It’s a cancellation of the debt someone owes you so that everytime you look at that person, his pending dues show as “0”. The servant was fully forgiven and released – what a wonderful example of someone who experienced compassion and mercy.

But when we come to V28, it tells us that almost as soon as he got out, he found a fellow servant who owed him 100 denarii.

Again coming back to math:
100 denarii = salary for a laborer over 20 weeks

It’s still a large amount but no where close to the debt he owed the king. And look at the servant’s response to his fellow servant – he laid his hands on him, choked him and then demanded payment.

Already we are seeing a much harsher treatment toward the fellow servant when he meets his debtor.

In V29, the fellow servant responds in a very similar way – he pleads and asks for patience to repay the amount. But in this case, the servant refuses and puts him in jail until he repays the entire debt. And it makes us wonder why did the servant refuse forgiveness?

It’s because he underestimated the extent and the size of his debt. He was blind to the massive mountain size debt which he owed to the king. He was in denial of how bad his situation was.

Similar to the servant, I wonder if that’s symptomatic of our own hearts.

Many times the reason why we fail to forgive each other is because we underestimate the extent and size of the moral debt we owe to God.

We are blind to our mountain size debt. We are in denial of our bad situation. Look at the way it describes our sinful condition in Ephesians‬ ‭2:1‭-‬3‬‬‬

[1] And you were dead in the trespasses and sins [2] in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— [3] among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
Passages like these are a sober reminder of how terribly bad and dangerous our situation was. As long as we underestimate and downplay the extent of our debt, we’ll never be in a position to receive mercy and also show that mercy to one another.
But not only do we overestimate the standard of our forgiveness, not only do we underestimate the extent of our debt, we also
3.We overlook the extent of our pardon (v31-33)
31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’

Upon getting the report on the servant’s behavior, the king summons him and refers to him as a wicked servant because he conveniently overlooked and ignored the mercy and pardon which was offered to him.

I hope you can see the connection here to the previous point. Because the servant underestimated and downplayed the extent of his debt, he ended up overlooking and belittling the pardon that was offered, which seemed to him small and little. It was not a big deal for him. Probably in some way he thought “I deserved to be forgiven. I’m entitled to forgiveness”.

And that’s what kept him from showing the same mercy to his fellow servant. How does this relate to us?

When God saw our massive mountain sized debt, He not only was moved with compassion but as we read yesterday – sent His one and only precious Son Jesus Christ on this earth to save us. How did He save us? By living the life that we were expected to live (he was the only one who lived a life with pending debt or dues as “0”…every other person has a pending amount that is in infinity). Not only that but when He was 33 years old, He was hung on the cross not to pay for his debt or anything wrong that he had done but rather to pay off the entire amount that you and I needed to pay but couldn’t pay off.

He died and was buried in a tomb and on the third Day he rose victoriously from the grave so that whoever would repent of their sins and their own failing efforts of compensating and repaying the debt, and trust in the payment and sacrifice that was offered on the cross, they would now be declared as “debt free” in God’s eyes.

Brothers and sisters, please remember that God didn’t just write off our massive mountain sized debt. He paid it off and it came at the most costly price of His own precious Son.

And here’s the thing – that pardon and payment for us would only sound valuable and precious if we’ve considered and admitted to the size of our debt. The smaller we think our debt is, the lesser value and appreciation we will attribute to Jesus Christ for what He did for us.

Because we all overestimate our standards of forgiveness, because we underestimate the extent of our debt and overlook the extent of our pardon, that’s why we finally

4. We need overwhelming grace to help us (v34-35)

34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers,[k] until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

When we look at this verse, we may misinterpret it as this “well you better forgive each other, because if you don’t you won’t get my forgiveness”. But I don’t think that’s what this verse means because as we learnt yesterday “not that we loved God, but that He loved us”. God’s forgiveness in Christ was unconditional – it wasn’t based on anything that we did or would. God didn’t set any preconditions to obtaining his forgiveness. It was completely and totally unconditional.

So then what does this verse mean?

I think Jesus wanted to put the scanner and spotlight on hearts and reveal our blindness and our forgetfulness. All of the points we shared earlier reveal the spiritual blindness and forgetfulness.

Just like the servant, we all overestimate the standards of our forgiveness – in other words, we are all prone to being proud of how righteous we think we are. Just like the servant, we all underestimate the extent of our debt – we probably admit to being sinners but downplay it by saying things like “I’ve done bad things, but I haven’t murdered anyone”. Just like the servant, we overlook the extent of our pardon – we say that we are thankful for Jesus’ sacrifice for the sins we’ve committed but probably assume it wasn’t a lot Jesus had to pay off anyway. That’s the problem with blindness and forgetfulness.

One of the pastors and authors I’ve been encouraged by is a pastor called Paul Tripp and he says this – “Spiritual blindness is actually worse than physical blindness because in physical blindness it’s obvious to you that you are blind. But in spiritual blindness, we often don’t even know it and don’t even admit to it”.

That’s where the problem lies and that’s why we need overwhelming grace – to help us see and remember. How does He do that? Through the good news of Jesus revealed in the Word. Every time we read God’s Word in our personal times, at our Sunday gatherings, Gospel Communities and DNAs,

• Overestimating our standard of forgiveness‭‭ – Isaiah‬ ‭64:6‬
  All our righteous deeds are like filthy rags in response to
• Underestimate the extent of our debt – ‭‭‬‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭53:6‬
  [6] All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way;
• Overlooked the extent of our pardon – Psalm‬ ‭103:12‬ ‭
  [12] as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

And in all of that, we are reminded of the immense forgiveness that we’ve experienced in Jesus. No matter what has been done against us, it’s not even a fraction of the offenses that we’ve done against God. And yet because of what Christ has done, we can’t help but show that mercy to each other.

Who are you struggling to forgive today? We need to pray and ask God to for His overwhelming grace to see and remember.