God’s Good Gift of Marriage & Singleness – 1 Corinthians 7:1-9

As we’ve seen over the past few Sundays, the Corinthian church was messed up in many ways. Remember the divisions among them? Where some were saying I follow Paul and others I follow Apollos? Or the times when they were taking their fellow believers to court, and of course the glaring issues like sexual immorality. There was one guy sleeping with his stepmother, there were people going to prostitutes, and probably other things too. This was the culture of their times and it was heavily influencing their lives. Today’s passage is also about sexual immorality. Now you must be thinking when will this end, every week sexual immorality. Why did you title the sermon series as “The Church: God’s Dwelling Place” and not “Sexual Immorality and You”? What to do people? We’re doing expository preaching and we are subject to the text that is placed before us. Not only that, we’re obliged under God to bring the meaning out of the text as intended by the original author and not give our own meaning to the text. In other words, we have an obligation to expose the text. And after that we appropriately apply it to our lives.

And so we’re here with a passage on sex, marriage and singleness. Three of the most hottest topics in the church and even the world at large.

Unlike the previous weeks where we saw incidents of sexual deviance like incest and fornication, this Sunday’s passage talks about sexual abstinence. Not the right kind of abstinence mind you. Look at verse 1, it says “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.””

In chapter 7 and the subsequent chapters, Paul is beginning to address 2-3 concerns of the Corinthian church. The first one is here in chapter 7 and what is the concern, or what is the matter of discussion that Paul replies to? “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman”. The Corinthian believers are saying as a statement of truth that it’s better for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman or a woman with a man. Why? Because this belief is a response to the overwhelming nature of sexual temptations that were prevalent in their culture. Sex is used and abused so bad that the response of the believers are an outright rejection of sex. You know that is a good thing but these people were rejecting even sex within marriage. Some commentaries I read also pointed out the cultural understanding at that time, and this is

something that crept into the church, is that marriage was an evil state to be in. They said, if you want to truly be pure, you have to be celibate and have no sexual relations with your spouse. One harmful effect of this was divorce, if being married was evil then it’s better to be separated. But that is not what we have in our passage today. Paul has another harmful effect in mind and that is the power that sexual temptation was given because of this false belief. He says in verse 2 “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband”. In essence he’s saying, you can try to not have sexual relations with your spouse but it’s foolish to do so because of how strong sexual temptation is. Here people are rejecting the God-given means to give an outlet to the God-given sexual desires and passions.

So you see how the problem started here? The Corinthian believers rejected God’s good gift and it resulted in problems for them. Why am I saying that? The Corinthians are saying it is better not to have sexual relations in marriage because it’s problematic and it makes me unholy. So they rejected the gift of marriage and the enjoyment of sexual relations that is a part of it. Because they were rejecting it, it opened them up to more sexual temptation. 

And I believe this is pointing to some of the proclivities of our hearts. We also tend to reject God’s good gifts and cause problems in our own lives. You know when God says to follow this or do that, it’s ultimately for our good and for His glory. When we reject God’s good gift, it brings sorrow and potentially destruction in our lives.

So I believe what God wants to tell us through this passage is an obvious one, “don’t reject God’s good gift”.

1) Don’t reject God’s good gifts (v1-2 & v6-9)

You know rejecting good things is not restricted to marriage. You can reject so many other gifts that God gives. In this passage it’s talking about sexual intimacy in marriage. And pushing back on sexual intimacy made the Corinthian people vulnerable to sexual tempation. We are not free from that kind of temptation. If you’re married, then sexual intimacy is something you should still pursue, for the sake of fighting against Satan’s evil work and also for the sake of your marriage. Because God ordained sexual intimacy as one of the ways for a husband and wife to bond and grow their relationship. More than that, it’s a picture of God’s steadfast love for His people. One article I read described it this way, “God designed this soul-level intimacy to reflect the deep, intimate, committed, faithful, servant-hearted commitment between Jesus and his bride, the church^[1]”. Now it may not be possible to have such kind of intimacy in your marriage because of physical difficulties and I can only imagine how difficult it can be. I hope and pray that you can trust God with your difficulties and believe that He sees and knows your trouble.

As I mentioned earlier, there are many other gifts you can reject. One thing is marriage itself. There are so many who don’t want to get married, who are afraid to make a commitment, who don’t have the courage to take that step of marriage. But marriage is actually a gift from God. I like how one author, the late Tim Keller, put it, “Marriage is a major vehicle for the gospel’s remaking of your heart from the inside out and your life from the ground up^[2]”. In other words, marriage is a means for God to shape your heart to be more Christ-like than ever before. But of course, this means finding the right guy or girl to marry. You want your potential spouse to be a believer in Jesus, committed to obeying Him, committed to a local church, committed to pursuing holiness and also ready to sacrifice for the sake of the marriage. I know this is a whole another topic, but one more thing before moving on, your aversion to marriage may be because of a previous bad experience and that’s tough, I must acknowledge that, again I can only imagine how much that’s affected you. But marriage is still a good thing. It’s designed and instituted by God for your good and for His glory. Don’t reject it because of bad experiences in the past. God can turn what the enemy meant for evil to something for your good. And don’t reject it because you don’t see any good examples of marriage around. A few days ago a colleague at work asked how’s married life going. I said it’s good, why will it be bad? And he was surprised that I’m saying it’s good because a lot of the stories he hears and what people say all indicate that marriage is a headache. He even gave the example of his own mom and dad who, according to him, had so many fights. He said he doesn’t want to get married because of this. I told him see even I have fights and arguments with my wife, but because I love my wife and value what we have, I will want to seek reconciliation and say sorry. And he was like oh okay are you reading some book or what. I laughed it off. The point here is a lack of good examples does not mean marriage is bad. Again I want to quote the late Tim Keller here, he says “Do for your spouse what God did for you in Jesus and the rest will follow^[2].” Which means if we strive to love and serve our spouse like how Jesus loves and sacrificed for us, then that’s a recipe for a good marriage. Plus, there’s the benefit of having the right context to enjoy sexual intimacy. Verse 9 says if single people can’t control their passions, it’s better to get married. Sex is not the reason to get married but it is the place where you can enjoy physical intimacy.

And lastly, the gift that Paul mentions her in verse 6 and 7, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” When Paul says I wish that all were as I myself am, he is meaning that he wishes everyone was single as he was. He’s basically saying it’s better to be single like he was because it gave him the time and freedom to serve God more. So, if you’re single or widowed, this time is actually a gift from God. Now some of you will be like no need for this gift, please return it, no thank you, doesn’t feel like a gift. Again, I can only imagine what you’re feeling. Yes, I was there a short time till a short time ago, but your experience and struggle is unique. This time is difficult but the best thing to do right now is to wait on God and continue to serve Him. The Christian life doesn’t change after getting married, it just looks different. If you’re unmarried or widowed, you’re still called to obey, you’re still called to pursue obedience, you’re still called to serve, you’re still called to love Him with all your heart, soul and strength. The same continues in marriage. 

Or again, you’re someone who doesn’t want to get married because of fear or bad experiences and you see a verse like this and say, see Paul is saying be like him, single so even I’m going to do that. But he calls it a gift from God in verse 7. Paul says it’s better to be single but he also concedes and subject himself to God’s sovereign will by saying your singleness and marriage is a gift from God. God decides the gift, God is the giver of the gift. If He gave you a particular gift, it’s the best thing for you. If God gave you marriage, that’s the best thing for you. If God gave you singleness, that’s the best thing for you, and maybe for a season only.

Ultimately, Paul is saying that one gift is not superior than the other. One is not good and the other is bad. God is the giver of both, so both are good.

And moving on to the last point, “God’s good gift is meant to serve one another”.

2) God’s good gift is meant to serve one another (v3-5)

Look at verse 3 to 5. ‭”The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. [4] For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. [5] Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

In response to the danger of sexual temptation, Paul is saying that the husband and wife should fulfil their marital obligations to one another, husband to wife and wife to husband. Because neither the husband and wife have authority over their own body but they belong to each other. So, he’s saying that God has give you a gift, use it to serve one another. He’s saying, the wife has sexual needs, the husband will willingly serve her needs. The husband has sexual needs, the wife will willingly serve his needs. Why do such a thing? Because you want to honor the other, you want to serve your spouse, you want to protect him or her from temptation, because that is what Christian life is all about. There’s a verse in ‭Romans 12:10 “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

When I was reading this I couldn’t help but think how Jesus Christ came down in the form of a baby. Did He not live to serve? Did He not come to seek and save the lost? Did He not willingly give up His throne of glory to save sinners like you and me? Jesus’s whole life on earth was a preparation for the great and terrible day when He was to be crucified. All so that your sin and my sin could be paid for and we could be made clean, and restored to a right relationship with Him. After restoring us to a right relationship with Him, He also gives us the power to obey Him, He actually transforms us daily to be more and more like Him. He is our role model and He is the one who supernaturally enables us to be like Him.

And how is this all made available to us? By a simple faith in Jesus, that He is Lord and He cleansed us from all sin. And not just faith but also a turning away from sin and pursuing Him. Many of you dear brothers and sisters are on this journey, you have a put your faith in Him and that is a cause for rejoicing. If you are a believer in Christ, rejoice I say because your names are written in the book of life. You are the apple of His eye, you may not feel like it, but that doesn’t change what’s true. If you’ve never put your faith in Jesus, then today is the day, we don’t know what happens tomorrow. He calls you to come to Him with your sin and lay it at the foot of the cross and seek his forgiveness. 

Because Christ served, you also serve. Use what God has given you to serve one another. Serving can also look like giving your time and resources for the people in this church, giving your money for God’s ministry, discipling others, etc. It could mean finding a way where your job doesn’t consume most of your time freeing you up for things of God. It may mean looking for a job where you will fight for your time. I know this is easier said than done because finding a job is not easy. This applies for both married and unmarried people. If you’re married then you have the additional opportunity to serve your spouse by fulfilling their sexual needs.