Letter to my Unmarried Sister in Christ

Dear sister,

I write this to you out of concern because it will break my heart to see you settle for less.

Let me reaffirm that the desire for marriage is a good thing. It is a good thing because God himself instituted it. God said “it is not good that man should be alone” and he made the woman. He then mandated both the man and the woman to exercise dominion over the earth.

However, this thought has silently crept into your heart: that marriage is the one thing that will make you happy. You believe that connecting with someone, companionship with someone, having someone – who you think – genuinely cares for you and is kind to you, is the point where your life has reached its zenith.

But I see that by your great desire for marriage, you choose to settle.

Sister, please hear me out. Even though I am a man of no experience, there are things in the Word of God that I have read, along with various other sources that have led me to this conclusion: that this life is not about us. It’s about God. Everything is about God, it always has been.

Look at the Scriptures with me.

Psalm 19:1“The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.”

Ezekiel 36:23“And I will vindicate the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, and which you have profaned among them. And the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Lord GOD, when through you I vindicate my holiness before their eyes.”

Ephesians 3:10“…so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places.”

1 Peter 2:9“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you from darkness into his marvellous light.”

God created the sky and the heavens to show his glory. God wanted to show his holiness to the nations through the nation of Israel. God wants to show his manifold wisdom through the church.

Most importantly, God saved you so that you would be his so that you could proclaim his excellencies.

All these verses are pushing one idea; that all things exist for God. Marriage is no exception.

You know what the apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 5 when he speaks about marriage. He says that marriage is a profound mystery because marriage actually reflects the relationship between Christ and his bride, that is, the church.

Now, do you see, dear sister, why I say you’re settling for less? Because your life is meant to be about making much of God, or in the words of apostle Peter “to proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light” and your marriage is to be reflecting the “profound mystery” of the relationship between Christ and the church.

That is why it is of utmost importance that the man with whom you wish to be with, and eventually marry, understands the gravity of all this. If he does not see the high calling we believers have, and if he does not believe in the real purpose of marriage, you will most likely lose your way and worse, sin against God.

We haven’t touched on the fact that the Bible clearly states that marriage with an unbeliever is sin, in fact, I could have just started the letter with that, but God doesn’t just tell us to do or not do something just because it is right or wrong. He does it because he knows that to do right, that is, to follow him is life, and the opposite is death.

Sister, I know these are heart-wrenching words, but I ask you, please heed to them. Listen to those around you as well. These are brothers and sisters who deeply care and are very fond of you.

I hope you do see and I pray that God would make “your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus” – 1 Thess 3:13.

Yours lovingly

Author’s Note: This article also appears on Quiricus.

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